Notes From The Ether
Enough!!

Really sick of this winter shit…I realize that this could be a component of climate change…or just a cyclical anomaly…or just a real big fucking pain in the ass…in any case, I’ve had it with the wretched cold & snow and hope the end is near…of the shitty weather, of course!!

Give DeBlasio a Fucking Break!!

I hate liberals…& sadly, I am one!! Liberals can be so in lockstep with their “progressive” beliefs, so entrenched with their pointy-finger, shaky-voice “it’s my way or the highway” stances that they not only throw the baby out with the bath water, but they basically “cuisinart” the little bastard in the process!! Just look at all the lib Obama haters, who are still dumbfounded that on the second day of his presidency we all weren’t immediately living in a left wing paradise replete with a Prius in every driveway and all military weapons magically transformed into progressive home schooled toddlers iPads and pink polka dotted composting buckets!! There’s a little thing called “reality” that will grind any clear thinking persons idealism into the ordinary blood-stained shirt of compromise!!

I bring this up because already only 21 days into the administration of NYC’s first “true” Democrat mayor in 20 years, Bill DeBlasio, two major “…Gate” type scandals has rocked Gracie Mansion (or Park Slope, Brooklyn, depending on the time if day) - pizzagate & plowgate!! Now, if you’re a regular reader of these electronic missives (both of you!!), you already read my take on the former, so I’ll dive right into the snow drift of the latter.

So, apparently, the climate change deniers are wetting themselves with glee over the unusually cold and snowy winter we’re having here in Gotham (note to them: extreme weather swings if any time could be all part of a long-term pattern of destructive climate change…so fuck you!!).

Firstly, it is winter, and we are in the northeastern portion if the USA, if you have somehow forgotten that fact…so it can snow, and snow a lot sometimes. And only 3 days into his administration, the public opinion microscope was firmly on DeBlasio and how would he save us all from an impending snow deluge…and after an obvious overreaction, the city gave him thumbs up when the streets were kept clean and fordable (but still kept a watchful eye on him anyway). Then, as it will happen, another snowstorm pounced upon the northeast, and actually a stronger & slightly more unpredictable one and this time, some sections of the city were not plowed the moment the snowflakes hit and this caused quite an uproar…especially since it was the vaunted Upper East Side…a bastion of moneyed old-school liberals and young upwardly mobile (& predominately single female) professionals…two groups you definitely do not want to piss off!!

Mayor Bloomberg let Queens twist in the wind under 18 inches of snow for days in 2010 while he entertained his ego in Aruba (or some similar place); mayor Lindsey let Queens lay in veritable ruins for over a week under a foot of snow in 1969 (or thereabouts)…and both these men paid a political cost. But for the well fed, over groomed, obnoxiously narcissistic denizens of the UES to start yapping like the precious hot house flowers that they think they are is pretty misguided and could hurt their own hopes and dreams of a rebirth of the liberal movement nationwide that could happen with the successful administration of a new, very liberal, very idealistic mayor of our nations largest city!!

It’s just snarky, self-serving pettiness and the desire to be the darling of Internet social media by coming up with just the right “humorous” negative comment as opposed to just looking at the severity of the true situation, growing up a little and just going about their business without the attention-grabbing vitriol. As a progressive person, it’s important that DeBlasio succeeds…if he’s taken down by real scandal or misdoings, that’s one thing…but to bloody the guy up 3 weeks into his administration for bullshit just to cast a light on basically nothing and your own desire for attention is just stupid and helps no one…especially the residents of a section of our fair city who would generally be his supporters. So next time there’s a little extra snow in front of your doormanned building or pied de tierre, stop with the bitching & just grab a shovel & start digging!!

I smell fried food…

…at a comedy club…the ancient free-radical-infused frying oil is permeating my nostrils like I’m assuming the nostrils of Allied Forces were assaulted with the piquant fragrances of the nazi death camps they liberated during World War II!! The results of this “culinary holocaust” results in brown clumps in various hues of greasy, charred matter that could be either chicken wings or French fried potatoes or unlucky rodents or something even worse that I hazard to speculate about…I have a small weight issue that I’ve fought my entire life and this balmy stench, as disgusting as I’ve portrayed it to be, still evokes a Pavlovian response with my salivary glands, as its been engineered to do…but the mere sight of it along with the knowledge that ingesting will get me that much closer to the joy of having a cardiac stint implanted into my occluded and tired heart has made me think twice about engaging…so maybe a coffee later instead??

Comedian

I am a comedian…that’s all you need to know to appreciate the following report. I am an all original, unique, uncategorically pigeonholeable (ah, English!!) comedian, so I do not work many traditional clubs, especially when I’m plying my more favored act of “stream of consciousness of whatever the fuck I want to stream at the moment”. So, I generally work a lot of the “off” rooms, and “non-traditional” comedy spots, specifically burlesque shows.

Burlesque, a time honored form of entertainment involving titillation and the promise of ribaldry and scantily-clad young ladies, has made a great resurgence as of late…and much to my pleasure, these shows have generally embraced the “old ways” of including a moment of humor in the form of a comedian, either doing a spot within the body of the show or perhaps being the Master of Ceremonies for the entire evening - both of which I do and do well and both of which are paid and can be paid quite generously (especially in a world where most comedians will give away their talents for lint and lies just to get stage time!!).

In any case, there are some regular shows I do with mostly regular clientele so they’ve seen me time and time again, which forces me to create almost an entirely new set every time, something that can be challenging, but something that I enjoy and can do like water off a ducks back & flies in the face of the repetitive nature of stand-up that infuriates me to no end!!

So, on this dreary Monday evening in the homey yet dank bosom of a local Brooklyn dive bar, I’m present to do my set in between a go-go act and a straight burlesque act. The comely & friendly bartender is always glad to see me and offers a cool beer with her warm smile…the usual gang are present, ready for an evening of fantasy and sexual arousal and have pockets filled with dollar bills and the grimy fingers used to pluck the crusty currency out for placement in garters and the like.

Amidst all of this, a beautiful young face presents itself to my slightly startled one with a choking embrace…a regular audience member who also happens to be a fan of mine. We exchange pleasantries, me trying in vain to keep up with her ebullience as I’m a little awkward in conversation as usual (as many comics are when they’re not on stage), and out of nowhere, she hands me a $20 bill and exclaims that I’m her favorite comedian and that I always crack her up. A little shocked, I tell her she need not do that, sheepishly as I wouldn’t mind a little free money, but surmise that if I turn down her offer at least once (with the hopes of a follow up insistence), then it absolves me completely from looking a little scummy from taking money from the young lady for basically no reason.

Well, I do turn the offer down and, as expected, she insists and then, not to offend her of course, I take the twenty, shove it deeply into my greedy pants pocket and thank her with another squeeze and peck on the cheek. We speak a few more minutes, then I make an excuse to go off on my own and the evening continues…I do my set, get another $20 from the “ringmaster” and a few more “tips” from the audience and my work is done…it’s nice to have fans, I guess…

Pizzagate

I’m only address this because I’m bored but there’s been a huge hullabaloo in Gotham because our new Mayor has exhibited the audacity of a out-of-town nabob, blinded by the bright and shiny lights of the big bad city, by shoveling gobs of our “national” dish, pizza, into his left-wing maw with….dare I say it (oh, cover the eyes and ears of the children and faint hearted) A KNIFE AND FORK??? Well, what do you expect from this faux-NY “red sox” fan??? This “pinko” wealth-redistributing, oversized Jacobean??? How could he stab into the heart of the city he runs with a knife covered in the marinara sauce that he put there with his insult to our very way of existence???? Well, my little affronted; CALM THE SHIT DOWN!! Pizza with a knife and fork? So what?? Much ado about absolutely nothing!!! And, if I may add, this was one of those hand-made (as opposed to the “hand made” standard plastic cheese & canned sauce jobs you get most everywhere else!) sloppy, overladen “artisanal” types that if DeBlasio tried to direct into his jaws manually could have easily illicited negative comments as well, including a potential headline in our paper of “dreckord”, the NY Post such as “DESLOBIO” as hizzoner’s face, tie and lap would’ve been slathered with the oily detritus of the attempt!!! So he used a knife and fork….huzzah to him! Just shows that he’s a man of substance and true to himself and doesn’t need to overthink or put on a show to underscore his authenticity (“gee, I guess I gotta eat this sloppy pie in the actual NY style or they’ll question my legitimacy as their leader…oh my”???). He saw the best way to do a thing was the LOGICAL way and he did it…case closed!!! And, when confronted with the “scandal”, he charmingly and even self-effacingly insisted that it was a fine way to eat such a pizza and that when it was safe to use his hands, he did!! So there to the naysayers and the “big deal” makers…let’s move on to some more important issues, hah??

Get a Geiger counter

…if you like sushi…or just fish…or just living…they’re lying to us about the severity of the Fukushima nuclear plant meltdown as a result of the earthquake & subsequent tsunami off the coast of Japan in 2010…in march, I think…whatever the date, it can be marked down as the day the human race died (although they were too busy to notice)….maybe I’m wrong…maybe I’m just some alarmist chicken little with my head up my ass and my dick in the cunt of conspiracy theory central….but based on what I’ve read, and what I know about such things and humanity in general, I’m prepared to accept the worst…so get that Geiger counter & you’ll at least live long enough to watch the human race circle a hot and glowing toilet bowl as its flushes itself into oblivion…happy new year!!

gladyourenothere:

"Dear Uncle Joe, Well here I am in California but I won’t remain at this base for no more than ten days. This base is a replacement center and by the time you receive this card I’ll be shipped again. I’ll write to you as soon as I get to my next base. I hope this card finds you in the best of health. Your nephew, Joe"
Santa Ana, CA
Postmarked 1943

gladyourenothere:

Oct. 19 - Hello! Just got on this boat. Had a wonderful trip thus far. The ocean was as calm as a lake and my one night in Paris was spent with a group of boys and girls from this ship. We took a taxi and rode about town. There are 5 of us from school aboard - so I am looking forward to a pleasant week. Love & kisses Paul”
Lloyd Triestino Line - SS Stella d’Italia
Postmarked c. 1920’s 

gladyourenothere:

Oct. 19 - Hello! Just got on this boat. Had a wonderful trip thus far. The ocean was as calm as a lake and my one night in Paris was spent with a group of boys and girls from this ship. We took a taxi and rode about town. There are 5 of us from school aboard - so I am looking forward to a pleasant week. Love & kisses Paul”
Lloyd Triestino Line - SS Stella d’Italia
Postmarked c. 1920’s